As I reconnect with my inner child, I’ve been reminded of the simple joys I once found in documenting my life. Back in school, it was through diary entries—pages filled with my thoughts, dreams, and reflections. I even started a YouTube channel with a childhood friend (don’t bother searching for it, the account is long gone). When I moved on to university, I ventured into travel vlogs and uploaded videos of myself singing, capturing moments of carefree creativity.

But as the demands of life began to take their toll—especially when I transitioned into full-time work, and later academia—the busyness, self-doubt, and fear of public scrutiny slowly dimmed that creative spark. Looking back, I can’t help but feel a sense of loss. I see my once-vibrant inner child, now hidden in the shadows, stifled by the weight of adulthood. The fear of judgment and the vulnerability of self-expression kept me from fully embracing that part of me.

Recently, I had an epiphany. I realised there are people—sometimes, well most of the time, not even masters of their craft—who still put themselves out there, sharing their work with the public. And that’s when it clicked. It’s not about perfection or expertise. It’s about having the audacity to create, to share, and the courage to be vulnerable. And in that realisation, the fear that once held me back started to lose its power.

So, when I launched EmSpillsTheTea, I knew my creative journey would be different this time. I chose a blog as my outlet for several reasons: I wanted a space to create without seeking validation—without the pressure of likes, reposts, and reshares. I also wanted to document my life authentically. This wasn’t just about sharing my journey—it was about creating a memoir, a living time capsule of my evolution. I’ve often wished I could glimpse into the lives of my parents and relatives in their early 20s—what their dreams, struggles, and quiet moments were. I hope that, one day, EmSpillsTheTea will offer my children (God willing) a window into my soul, providing a deeper connection and understanding between us.

What began as a tiny spark in this blog has now grown into the courage to explore photography and film. I don’t know where this journey will take me, but I’m learning to trust the process. Perhaps this is simply a way for me to connect with my past self each time I turn the camera on or write another blog post. That’s all it needs to be for now.

I won’t lie and say I’m immune to the subconscious pull of judgment. But I’ve found myself in a space where I understand it doesn’t matter anymore. What matters is the joy in the process of creating—because in that, I find beauty. The fear of judgment no longer has the same hold on me.